It's Official......I'm Crazy

That's right! Have me tested, I am clinically insane.

Okay maybe not but I am crazy. And not just crazy in one way but in MANY!

Last year, I settled. I settled on many things. My weight, my love, my religion, my friends, my family. I was a settler. And I wasn't happy. Shocking to know I wasn't happy. right?! I was okay with the fact that I was holding steady at my weight. Hey if I wasn't gaining, it wasn't bad. I was okay with the fact that I was madly in love with a liar. Someone that made me happy only because he loved me, not because I loved him. I was okay loving a cheater and liar because I wasn't alone. I was okay just sitting in a pew on Sunday because that was all I was supposed to do. I didn't want to do other things. I was okay not having friends to go out with. I was okay with my family, I love everyone, but does that mean that I deserve to be treated the way I do sometimes?

I was thinking about all of those things and then I honestly started laughing. Nine days into the new year and things are already changing in big ways and some of these ways play into my resolutions. So let's break this down.

Weight!

I started my 24 day challenge already for advocare and I am happy to say I have lost 4 pounds in the last three days. That means 20 pounds since I started this journey! I have energy to spare and I love it. Yesterday I was watching my 600 pound life and I kept telling myself, that can't and won't be me. I am down being the overweight girl that everyone looks past. I am tired of never having clothes that I actually like. I hate shopping and my weight is the reason why. However, Torrid has amazing clothes that I just can't afford lol. As a nurse I am tired of telling people you should lose weight and then never do anything myself. So for now I will take the 20 pounds and run with it. I am determined to make it 100 pounds lose this year! I am determined that gaining is not an option. I am determined to be 195 this time next year. Holy crap! 195.......I don't remember the last time I even saw that number. From the time I started to actually weigh myself I was always in the 200's. 195 seems impossible but possible at the same time!

So that brings us to Love.

Oh the mysterious love. The one thing I never thought I would have because, let's face it, my weight was always in my way. But this year I vow to love myself and learn what love is. Oh and to take chances with it. For example.....I am going on a trip in February. It isn't for love, it is for friendship that means the world to me and maybe more but who knows. This person is awesome! Geeky, God loving Episcopalian, an awesome family, and he always makes me laugh. He and I have been friends for a while now but recently we found out we both kind of like each other. But he is in Missouri and I am in Texas. So I am taking a risk and visiting him. Who knows what will come of it, I know we will always be friends but maybe God is trying to say something else is there. I am going out on a limb to find out. And as I write this I remember why this blog isn't one I post on facebook. But oh well this is my journal for the year so :P

Religion!

I stopped just sitting in a pew. In fact in a few short hours I will be driving out to Camp Capers to work as camp nurse this weekend. I am now a LEM, Sunday School Teacher, counsel delegate, Cursillo fanatic, Christian music addict. I refuse to let God sit on the back burner in my life. He will always be number one in my life no matter who or what enters it. For I know that without God I wouldn't have anything in this life.

Family/Friends......Yes I am combining.

This is the year that I no longer worry about what others think. I am going to be me. I am going to place people in my life that love me for me and not for what I do for them. Simple and to the point!


This is my year! My Chance at happiness! My new beginning!